its been a while since my last blog because ive been focusing on my team alot but ive decided to begin making some more hopefully you will find them funny as i did!!

heres the first one

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

Heres another one

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors
down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder
by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,
which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again
he asks the little old lady, 'why don't you eat the
peanuts yourself?'.
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth',
she replied.
The puzzled driver asks,
'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied,

'We just love the chocolate around them.'

and another

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded intothe limo, and He
doesn't travel light,
the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver,
'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive
at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd
never gone to work that morning.

'There might be something extra in it for you,' says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the
Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope
keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the
cop takes one look at him, goes Back to his motorcycle, and gets on the
radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo
going a hundred and five.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.
The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'Governor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'


Cop: 'He's got the Pope as a chauffeur!'

Heres a more adult joke Still funny!!!!!!

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house.

She knocked on the door then immediately
walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally
naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.

'What are you doing?' she asked.

'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from
work.' The daughter-in-law answered.

' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.

'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law
explained.

'Love dress? But you're naked!'

'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she
explained.

'Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages
me for hours.'

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in
and saw her lying there so provocatively.

' What are you doing?' he asked.

'This is my love dress,' she whispered,
sensually.

'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'

A Final Joke

It Hurts
I'm sure you can't imagine
it's as simple as can be
the place is very private
the players are he and she

She whispers softly it will hurt
of course not he replied
It's just a simple proscess
lay back and close your eyes

She say's I'm rather frightned
I've never done this before
He wanted to continue
it won't hurt much more

It's getting rather painfull
as tears come to her eyes
it's hurting something awful
it must be quite a size

Calm yourself my darling
the pleasure refolds your sin
Now open slightly
so I can fit more in

Suddenly with a jerk
she gave a shout
Now that it's all over with
He slowly pulled it out

*Now if you read this carefully
you will find
it's not what you think
it's just your dirty mind

It is just a visit to the dentist!!!

Iknow what you guys were thinking tut.... 

lets make this interesting

The First comment gets 5 credits lol. The 2nd gets 4. The 3rd gets 2!!!!!!!....

I better go buy some lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!